The Waiting Game

Here we are, week 39 today, and we are waiting. Patiently or impatiently, I don't know? We sit and talk to Bumpy, feel the movements and kicks. We also sing to them, as well, which always gets a response, jiggling and kicking.
The wait at times can be at times agonising, but it also means that the jobs Boney wants doing, just to make sure our home is complete and totally ready for Bumpy's arrival. We've already organised moses basket upstairs and down, the steriliser is in place in the kitchen, the changer, wardrobe and all the clothes and other bits we have already purchased are in their room. The feeling of the impending responsibility is immense, but the feeling of knowing that we have the bits and pieces we need, in place and ready to go, lifts a weight off of our shoulders.
However, there are still things that need to be done, jobs that are necessary to ensure our house is a proper home for a baby to arrive in. Pictures to be hung in rooms, dressing up rooms with furniture and getting rid of rubbish and stuff that is no longer required. These are the jobs I have had to get stuck into this weekend, so that I can try and "relax" next week before Bumpy comes along to wreak havoc on our empty lives. I mean this fully in jest, as this has been ten, long, hard years in the making, we are now getting so excited about the fact the we will meet our child in a few short days, the sleepless nights, the dirty nappies and the regular feeds mean the world to us. Although we look forward to these, we know that the baby will make us feel tired, irritable and grouchy, but furthermore, we know we will love them unconditionally.
Boney had a bump painting done and, to say the least, it looked incredible. It was funny to watch, as the lady was painting around Bumpy, they kept pushing back and kicking. But for Boney, it was a very chilled out and relaxed experience. You can find the lady who did this for us on Facebook, at Summer Faces.

So that, dear reader, is that for this entry, so until next time, see you soon, maybe with the third member of our family here with us.

Getting Closer

Again, I apologise for such a long break in the narrative, there is a reason.
If you take one thing from our tale here, I would say that the most sensible thing I could say to you is, if, when you're six months into pregnancy, you decide to remodel and redecorate your home, either get professional help in straight away and do it all in one hit, or put it off until such time as baby has come along and you're in a bit of a routine.
We decided, in June, that we needed to put our own stamp on our home, as we have been here just over eight years and had done only the bare minimum. At first we thought we would do baby's room and our bedroom, as we were going to change bedrooms once baby came along, then Boney suggested that we give the dining room and kitchen a smarten up, as they were looking beyond their best, so I took a two week break from work, with the intention of getting stuck into the dining room, thinking that I could knock it out in a few days, go up to Suffolk for a family event, over a long weekend, then come back to get the kitchen done, all before going back to work with a feeling of accomplishment and pride. How could it go wrong?
How, indeed! First of all, I'm not as young as I used to be, no where near as fit as I should be and not as handy as I thought. Secondly, I grossly underestimated the amount of actual labour involved in a "simple" job. There I was, the first weekend of my break, clearing the room, as best I could, took down the shelves, washed down the walls, covered over the dining room table and all the trinkets and knick-knacks from the shelves, giving myself a minute area to balance paint pots, tools and other equipment on.
First area to be painted, the ceiling, easy enough, just grab a roller, jam it on an old broom handle and whack the paint up there. Admittedly, that went to plan. Then came time to paint the walls, so again, I got a roller, did all the big areas, but on several occasions got too over zealous with the roller and put the wall colour on to the ceiling. Getting tired, I was getting sloppy, making mistakes and generally not doing a proper job. This, for obvious reasons, upset Boney.
Furthermore, whilst I was trying to paint the higher areas of the walls, instead of using the appropriate equipment, such as a step ladder, I was using a dining chair to climb up and down, as I mentioned above, I am neither that young, nor that fit, so after a day of this, my knees were shot and to top it off, I got ill, causing me to have to take a pause in my plans to carry on with the work to recover, so that we could make it to the family event that weekend.
Anyroads, after several more WEEKS of work, I did end up completing the dining room to a very good standard. Due to this, we decided that we really needed professionals to come in and do the rest of our home, but, we didn't really think that out either. Painters and decorators, who are good at their trade are booked months in advance, especially during the summer months. Fortunately, Boney had a friend she had worked with, who had changed her career from care, to decorating, so we were sorted with a couple of fantastic decorators, the problem remained, however, what about the more than cosmetic work we needed doing, such as the plastering of a couple of ceilings, plus remodeling the kitchen. We had a guy recommended to us for this work, who did a good job, but was not very reliable for time keeping or whether he was actually going to turn up and with a ticking time bomb, so to speak, things were becoming a little dicey, so after one let down too many and our kitchen in total disarray, we let him go. What do we do now?!? Panic begins to set in, baby is due in a few weeks a this point and we are getting desperate. Again, we are up against the issue of decent tradespeople being booked up in advance, so we are thinking we are totally snookered.
I was complaining about the situation at work and my supervisor, kind of casually, chips in that her partner does that sort of work, what do we need doing, let him know and he'll let us know when and how much. To say that he saved the day, would be an understatement. He sorted what we needed and now the decoration is done.
In regards to Bumpy, Boney and I have a little routine we perform ever night. We were told by the midwife that once a baby is around six months in the womb, they can hear sounds from outside, so Boney and I sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, it is fascinating to watch as our baby moves around in Boneys womb, as they react to our voices. I love to feel the wriggling, tumbling movement of those actions, watching as a foot, a knee or their bum pushes out against the outside of Boneys abdomen.
Knowing that in a matter of days now, we will have this little precious, wonderful life in our arms makes me nervous, excited, happy, petrified, scared and thrilled, all at once.
With this being week 38 coming up, every time my phone goes off when I am at work or away from Boney, I almost expect it to be THE call. I'm hoping that I am sensible enough to keep it together and not do something daft, like go around to collect my mother-in-law and then drive straight to the hospital, forgetting to come via home to collect the most wonderful and precious woman in my world, but come the day, I am sure all will go well.
Anyhow, dear readers, thank you for reading, very soon, I'm sure, we will have news of our new arrival, with the tales of what they get up to and how their arrival changes our, not so, quiet lives...

Things Progress

As things move on slowly, but surely forward, Boney is growing nicely, Bumpy is growing too. Had a slight worry last week, Boney was displaying symptoms of possible pre-eclampsia, which was a little worrying! She'd been suffering from spots in front of her eyes, a slightly swimmy head and a few other concerning symptoms, so we went to our local hospital, after consulting with the daycare midwives.

We arrived there in short order, handed in Boney's notes and went to sit down. As per their usual, they asked for a urine sample, which they dipped with their magical sticks of wisdom, which give them all the information they need. Apparently, there was no protein in evidence there, which meant that (fortunately) there was no way that Boney could be suffering from pre-eclampsia. However, there was signs of raised leukocytes, which is something that has shown up repeatedly during previous midwife appointments, however, we have been told each time that this is due to the natural discharge that pregnant ladies have, but on this occasion the hospital based midwife decided for precautionary measures, that she would send the sample down to Pathology to be checked and it was found that there was an infection which needed to be treated with antibiotics. Collected them today, so Boney is now on the mend.

In other developments, our home is slowly being changed from a place of just a husband and wife, but into a family home, we are decorating rooms, buying toys, clothes and furniture. Gradually changes are coming along and it feels fantastic. One piece of advice we would give is, check eBay, Gumtree and charity shops for items of clothing, furniture and toys in fantastic condition at rock bottom prices. There are bargains to be found, especially if you search at the right time and in the right places. Sometimes a minor mis-spelling can end up getting you an amazing find at a properly low price. Example, we picked up a cot, wardrobe and chest of drawers/changer on Gumtree, originally from Ikea, for £100. These items are in top quality condition, almost new, we were very lucky to find them, or rather, Boney was very lucky to find them, as she is rarely off of her tablet looking for the bargains. She is a Gumtree Bargain Spotting Fiend!!!

Anyroads, Dear Reader, as always, I am doing this fairly late at night, so I need to finish this post up and get myself off to bed...

A Little News!

So, Dear Reader, it's been a while since I posted on here, much to my shame. Apologies for not taking time to post our progress...

Well...

In the intervening three years (or so) since my last proper post on here, we have had some MAJOR developments!! Firstly, we had our second try of IVF on the NHS and it has been a success! Boney is now 22 weeks pregnant and we are extremely happy! Like so many other couples before us, when round one failed, we were so despondent and disappointed we thought we would never get past that. The crushing failure of being told that what we took, to some degree, as a dead cert, was soul destroying. I'll admit, I wasn't the best husband I could be at that time, because I couldn't say to Boney how I felt, also, I think she felt she couldn't approach me, for the same reason. I think it was a case of we felt we didn't want to "burden" each other with our negative feelings from the chance that didn't take. On  my part, it made me feel like I'd let Boney down again, due to my poor quality and low count sperm. We went back to see our consultant, who was a fantastic guy, who patiently and kindly framed it all out for us, he explained that with all the will in the world, it truly comes down to luck in the end. There are no guarantees or quick fixes, he did, in his kindly and non-patronising way, explain that my weight could well be an issue to the quality and count of my sperm. That was a hard pill for me to take, but the truth be told, it had to be taken and I did.

So, I took it upon myself to follow in Boney's footsteps and try and lose as much weight as I could to give us the best possible chance. Yes, it is bloody hard work, yes, I did and do get grumpy, and yes, I have now fallen squarely off the wagon again, but REALLY should get my toucas back in gear and sort myself out, got to be healthier for when baby gets here, so I can enjoy a long and healthy life with them. ANYROADS, I digress...

Well, last October, we decided it was high time we should try for cycle number two. I still have a fear of needles, plus getting Boney to get up early in the morning isn't the easiest thing in the world!! These were two of the minor obstacles we had to overcome. We contacted the IVF clinic who had handled our first attempt, whereupon we were informed that the consultant we had been under had decided it was time to move on and they were organising his replacement. Oh, we thought, that could put a wrinkle in the works. But still we were determined not to let anything undermine us, so we would call the clinic and ask if the replacement had arrived yet, each time to be told, sorry no, we're waiting for his papers, etc to clear. As we were on the verge of thinking this wouldn't come off, the clinic actually called us in the early December and asked us when we were wanting to begin.Cue immediate panic stations from us, we hadn't actually put any thought into timeframe or start dates. Quick bit of thinking, sign language, mumbling and passing of calender between us, we settled on end of January this year.

After the pain and heartache of our first failure, we decided it would be a good idea to visit the site councillor. Though we didn't agree with everything that was said by her, her help was invaluable in settling our minds and helping us to understand that this was a brand new attempt, not just a rehash of the first try. I think her best simile that she used was to look at it as a new, blank, unmarked sheet of paper and that it was a brand new pen, never before used. I'm guessing you could say, it's a way to write a brand new story.

Well, nature being what she is, and fate being what she is, also, we started in February, went to the hospital and met the familiar faces of the team who we'd met previously, all smiling, all encouraging, saying how healthy and well we were looking and full of hope under the new consultant. We go in for out initial consultation, speaking to the nurse and she goes through all the information that we'd gone through first time around, but had seemed to have forgotten, it's amazing how much slips out of your head during that time. The previous consultant had already suggested an increase in one of the drugs that was required and this was again all confirmed, Boney then had her first internal baseline scan (a word to the wise, if you happen to need to go on this journey, remember to pack your dignity at the door and collect it on your way out, the nursing team in these places are amazing and will give everyone the dignity they deserve, but the tests you ladies have to go through for this, I don't think I could put up with anything as "invasive") and all showed well. They then packed us off with our little bag of goodies and another appointment for a few days time to see how things are going. So, there we were, backwards and forwards every couple of days, with adjustments/increases made to the medication and the follicles growing at a fantastic rate, each time we would go in, the number of them would increase, but the sizes sounded huge to me.

Now we come to yet another wrinkle in our tale...

As I mentioned earlier, we had a new consultant, who used slightly different methods and medications to our previous chap. The day before the all important egg collection and sperm sample are taken, Boney, as with all other ladies who are on IVF, had to do a "trigger" injection. The nursing staff at the fertility clinic explained EXACTLY how to mix the drug, TWO powders to ONE water, this is VERY VERY important!! So, we go home after the appointment, I then had to go to work, doing what I do in my day-to-day, comes home at quarter to nine at night, and as I had be mixing up and prepping all of the medications (despite my needle fear) I set about making up the trigger injection. Popped the tops of of two of the ampules of water, then one of the powders, draws up the first water, and add it to the powder, then go to the second water, draws that up and, again, adds that to the now mixed powder. Called Boney through, she then does the injection. All of a sudden, the penny drops, I've properly messed up, I've got the mixture completely wrong, there's tears and screaming from Boney, there's expletives and tears from me, there's doubts, there's fears, there's....clarity! We had an emergency mobile number for one of the nurses from the unit. we call her. The phone rings for what feels like an eternity and she answers, I explain in a very shaky voice what has happened, and she takes immediate charge, what an amazing woman. She calms me down (I was the easiest, believe you me) and says she will call the hospital and speak to the duty doctor (this being a private hospital and not an NHS hospital, things are done somewhat differently), ask him to sort out a kit with the necessary meds and allow us use of a room. Boney is still virtually inconsolable, as she thinks there is nothing that can be done, she asks to speak to the nurse who manages to calm Boney down enough that she is no longer almost hyperventilating and is able to put one foot in front of the other, so we can get out to the car, Bearing in mind, we were told this injection in extremely time sensitive, we had to get from where we live over to Canterbury in a rush, which we did. Got to the hospital and there were staff there waiting for us. Two very kind nurses from the main hospital took us to a room, offered us a drink and got everything ready. The on call doctor came along with the required ampules. Even then, fate seemed determined to cause me more pain! These things are made of glass, and when I oped the ones at home, I had been supplied with a rubber gromit like tool that you slip over the top so that as you bend the top around the narrower neck, it will just crack off and snap harmlessly into the rubber. Well, this time, no rubber thingy. Snap! Off comes the top of the powder. Pop! The water one shatters into razor sharp shards, on particularly long and sharp one piercing my thumb, nice and deep, blood everywhere! Quick patch up job and all was sorted.Boney did the injection and off we trundled home.

Next morning, the BIG day, we arrive at main reception, as requested, so that we can do what needs to be done. Receptionist looks blank, can't find any record of you here. We're thinking, well I won't repeat exactly what we were thinking, it's certainly a lot stronger that the U certificate I've been keeping this at so far!! Let's just say, nerves and frustrations are getting frayed. As it so happens, one of the reception team from the fertility clinic clocked in as we are trying to explain to the main receptionist what going on. Fortunately, this particular lady was able to get the correct paperwork sorted out and expedited through, but not without Boney and I having further kittens (by this time, if I were being literal, we would have had a dozen or so litters)

After a bit of to and fro from certain managers from the hospital, we were settled in, and were then visited by our consultant who furthermore put our minds at rest regarding the time factor of the trigger injection. Needless to say, Boney went off to theatre and I went off to do my bit.

It then became another waiting game. After our consultant came through to examine Boney and explain how things had gone, we were allowed home in short order, with a provisional embryo transfer day of that Friday. We got a call on the Thursday telling us how many had fertilised and the embryologist said that if they didn't call us by nine o'clock Friday, then we were to go straight to the unit for transfer. Friday morning comes along and we are sitting there, listening for the phone call to say that they wanted to push for blastocyst. The clock moved the slowest I have ever known in my entire life, even slower than that last half an hour at work or school just before you're due to go off on a break. Each minute felt like a day, I'm not joking! Nine o'clock rolls around and no phone call, so we think we're all set to go in for transfer, all psyched up. Suddenly, at half nine, the phone goes, sure enough, it's the embryologist. They are so pleased at how six of them have divided, they want to go to blastocyst, but it is our choice, a very quick conferral between Boney and I, and we decided that if that was meant to be, then that is what would happen, so we chose to go in on the Monday.

Again, time seemed to slow to a crawl (unlike tonight, where as I write this right now, the time has flown to 2:30 AM without my realising it!!), the two days of that weekend and the morning of the Monday felt like three weeks, honestly! It was a horrible sensation.

So now comes the time for Boney to have yet another procedure performed upon her body. With bated breath we arrive at the fertility clinic's reception and get asked to go through to the waiting room. All the time I'm thinking, why aren't we going straight through to theatre? A couple of the nursing team come out, they're all beaming smiles and reassurance and friendly chatter, which is good, right? Then comes the turn of going into the consulting room with the chief embryologist. Another very friendly and warm lady (her name, like all of the people, aside from our consultant, escapes me), she goes on to explain about the grading and quality rating of embryos in general, then comes to ours and, again, she has more good news for us, there were actually seven top quality, not "just" six. We are then asked how many we'd like implanted, and we had already come to a decision on this and plumped for two. Statistically, this doesn't increase the chances of having a positive outcome, but we felt it couldn't cause any harm, so they agreed.

The procedure was harder than the first time, Boney was more worried than last time, she was also more stressed than last time. But the consultant was calming and helped to reassure her that all was right and that if she wanted to rest or stop, she could do so. All in all though, Boney was, not to sound condescending, incredibly brave. The whole process to over an hour, but was well worth it in the end.

Again, we had to wait, ten days this time, this time Boney had to get up a quarter to six each morning, as she had to put in a pessary containing the necessary hormones to help a pregnancy take. Every morning, counting down those days, waiting for the magic morning when we could go into the drawer and get those little white sticks, was like being five years old waiting for Christmas morning!

The all important day arrives! We get the test out of the drawer, check the dates, then open the first one. Boney goes through to the bathroom and does what she needs to do. It's the left in there to do its thing. After the allotted time, we go in there, look and.............it's a dud!!! Panic and heartache begin to kick in, I suggest to Boney to pee into a clean pot, if she can manage to squeeze any more out. Sure enough, she's game enough to wring a little bit more out, I then dip one of the spare ones into the pot, leave it for as long as suggested, then put it where the dud had sat previously. Five long arduous minutes later, we enter the bathroom, we want to look, but can barely bring ourselves to do so. What if it's another defective test or what if the "defective" was actually a negative. With tears already beginning to blur our vision we looked and there it was, in those beautiful pink lines and a crisp white background a positive test!!!

The most horrible thing for me that day, was I had to go to work, act normally and not tell anybody there what was going on. We did go around to Boney's mum that morning. We kept it together driving from one end of the village to the other, got out of the car and, as we usually do, just walk in. Now the, Boney's mum knew we were doing this test and as soon as Boney walked in through her mum's door, she's burst into floods of tears!! Her mum is an amazing and supportive mum, almost perfect, you could say (don't let her catch me saying that, I have a reputation to keep up...lol...). Her response was, "Never mind, we'll find a way, we'll sort something" and Boney is trying through the tears to explain, these aren't sad tears, these are happy, suddenly her mum gets it and it's hugs all round.

It feels so good to be able to come onto here and finally say, I am going to be daddy (even now I well up). I'm looking forward to all those trials and tribulations that parenthood brings. As our little miracle progresses, I will come on here and post little comments, maybe not as long as this one, but then again, maybe they will be, especially as I learn little things or certain milestones happen.

We have decided that we want a surprise when little one comes along, late October, early November, so have chosen to not find out what we are having, they do however have a nickname, Bumpy. The only trouble is, Boney doesn't like the link I make between Bumpy and a new nickname I have for her, Grumpy. (Admittedly, her mum is vaguely responsible for the name, from a text I sent Boney one day)

Anyroads, I now must be off to bed, as it is ridiculously quarter past three in the morning. So thank you for reading, good night,,,

A Little Closer To Our Beginning

Well, this coming Tuesday we are going to see our consultant who will hopefully have good news for us. Boney has managed to get to within 6lb (as of last Wednesday) of the target weight she had been told she had to reach for treatment to begin. From the time of our initial meeting back in 2010, Boney has been driven to reach her goal weight, so far losing a total of over six and a half stone from her highest weight. Such an inspiration and someone to be proud of.
We wait with baited breath as to what our consultant will say, just hoping that our tests come back with a similar, if not better, results. I will be back on here to let you, my faithful readers, know what has been told to us...

Weigh In & Tests

Hello again, folks...

After our appointment last Tuesday, I thought things might settle down a bit here at Mutt Mansion, sadly that hasn't been the case. As those who have been on a similar journey to ours know, there are multiple tests that need to be performed, and they in themselves can be a great source of stress, if you let them. Boney is a stressful, but beautiful lady. We have only certain days on which the hospital will accept my sample for testing and it needs to be in before a certain time and we also have to inform the pathologist what it contains. Could be kind of awkward...lol...

To my mind, this is nothing to worry any great shakes about, though to Boney, it is a kind of thorny subject. When can I sort myself out for the specimen? Is the pot big enough? Will I be able to get it to the hospital in time? Will I remember to tell the pathologist what the sample is?...etc, you get the idea. To me, it's a case of the right time and can I get to the path lab in less than 60 minutes from the time the sample is put into the pot. I say this now and you just know that I will mess something up...lol...

On a better note, when we weighed in last Wednesday, we both had cracking losses of 4lb each and I'm hoping for another loss this week, especially for Boney as it means that our dream will be coming ever closer to fruition. I'll check back in soon and let you know...

Another Referral

Today we went for our re-referral visit, saw a lovely consultant. She was so encouraging and enthusiastic, and was so positive to Boney, especially over her weight loss, which Boney has been doing so amazingly, five stone and counting. The consultant also said that with Boney's exceptional weight loss that she has so far achieved, the initial BMI for treatment has been moved from 30 to 32, for when the drug regime can begin, providing that my semen analysis comes back in good order.

It is such a relief off of our minds to know that we are now beginning the journey for real this time and not just a stopgap visit, but truly moving forward now. Our hearts are now filled with a new hope and determination to lose weight and achieve our wishes and goals. When we came out of the hospital, we were virtually unable to talk, as we were so, so happy. Now is our time to shine and branch out, making 2013 our fullest year of positivety...

The First Real Day Out There

I'll say one thing, straight off the bat, it was freezing! Although I was well wrapped up in my coat, jumper and natural layers of insulation (blubber...lol...) and it was about 6-7C, it felt a damn sight colder than that. I even made an observation to one of my colleagues as we passed a garden at about one o'clock this afternoon. There was a large-ish flower pot filled with water and there was ice on top of it, brrrrr...
Anyroads, had a quick look at the distance we had to walk today and it ended up approximately two miles of solid walking, plus pathways and driveways. My legs are feeling it now, I'll say.
It must have done me some degree of good, because I'd built up quite an appetite for when I got back home.
I have, however, noticed one negative of this weight loss thing I'm trying to do. As I shrink, my clothes feel bigger, so it means that at some point, pretty soon, I'm going to have to buy some new clothes and I hate having to do that...lol...why waste good money on clothes that could buy some new DVDs or go towards something far more important, like Boney?
Anyhow, until later, TTFN...

First Day Nerves

As mentioned yesterday, today I ventured into a whole new career direction. Mildly terrified kind of describes how I felt. There wasn't that much to worry about though. Turns out, that I'll be the only one in my neck of the woods doing the work that I'm starting out on, so it's a little bit daunting. The Reason for this, is because the company I'm now working for is a new start up. I just hope that the current economic situation doesn't catch up to them before they can get off the ground, as I hate having to start over yet again.
Today, I was a bit of a lazy toerag and didn't do my walk as I had planned. Tsk, tsk! Tomorrow however, I'll probably end up walking my legs off, as that is part of my new role.
On another note, a former colleague of mine phoned me today to say that her company is now hiring and she wants me on her team, so she's passing my details onto her manager. So I could end up actually finding myself on another career change, sooner than I planned. That might not be a bad thing, as the company she works for is a well established household name, who have been going for decades. Far less chance of them falling over, I'm now just waiting on the call. I'll let you know what's happening there.
Anyhow, until next time, TTFN...

Distances

Today we went for another walk. Boring I know, but it's just a great way of doing exercise that gets us out of the house and burns those calories.
There are people in the world, who claim that no matter what they do, they can't lose weight. I know, I used to be one of them. I used to cut down what I ate, but I also used to cut down on my activity too and I have only just realised this incredible secret, if I INCREASE my activity level, I WILL lose my weight. It's not a revelation to many, I know. However, I used to think that going out and walking along would be boring as all hell, plus, I was always concerned that people would stare, make comments or just generally be nasty and negative. It all sounds like excuses and that's precisely what they were. The recent walks have been wonderful, bracing, due to the colder weather we've had recently, refreshing, because of the burn and, most of all, a great way of spending time with Boney.
The walk today was down a local bay, so we were right next to the sea, as the sun was setting with the wind in our faces, watching the seagulls wheeling about and the dogs running amok of their owners on the promenade. We have a certain walk we do down there. It goes from the parking spaces on the main road, down to a large sea defence and back again. We used to stroll it in the summer, taking about half an hour there and the same back again, today however, we got to the rocks in just under twelve minutes, rested for three minutes, then did the return in under thirteen minutes, so all told, it took us less than one way used to at a stroll. I've just worked that one out as I type this...lol...
Anyroads, on a completely different note, tomorrow, I start a new job. Looking forward to it, but so very nervous. Hope I can do well here.
I'll let you know, one way or the other, tomorrow.
Till then, dear reader, TTFN...

A Bad Day

Yesterday wasn't my best day for food, so far. I ate for too much and did far too little activity.
Today, however, has been a far better day, went out with Boney for a 1.1 mile walk over a few gradients. Took us about 20 minutes, all told, so wasn't to bad. Also, I've been a lot better on my intake of food, I've eaten far less than yesterday and I don't feel hungry, so I must be doing something right.
Ah well, off to do some housework now, just to burn a few more calories, plus also, it does get me in the good books if I do a bit...lol...
Till next time dear readers, TTFN...

Week Two: Check In

So, here we are at the end of week two. I weighed myself today and was rather happy.I weighed in at 24 stone 5 and half pound, meaning that in the past two weeks, I have managed to lose a total of 14.5 lbs, so over a stone! I'm pretty chuffed with myself, really.
However, with the increase in exercise, I have begun to suffer issues with my right knee. I damaged it about 18 months ago, exercising, and since I have started on this new routine, I have been doing a lot of walking andI don't mean light walking and strolling, I mean full on power walking, pounding the pavement, getting a full on sweat on. Boney and I do around about a mile and half to two mile route, but yesterday, I decided to virtually jog the last 300 yards or so. Now my knee is swollen and painful and can hardly bend...grrrr, so angry at myself for pushing too hard too early. It's not going to be a good look to go into an interview tomorrow for a job that involves a load of walking and me limping, ah well.
Anyroads, rant over. Thanks for listening dear readers, any words of moral support, gratefully received...

New Year

Well, happy new year to everyone. Hope all is well for you and yours and that 2012 brings with it all your hopes and dreams.
2011 wasn't the worst of years for myself or Boney, but then again, it wasn't the best either, we both lost motivation and just let ourselves get bogged down with the negative energy that we both got caught up in. Now, with the beginning of 2012, we're going to pick ourselves up and get back to it. between Christmas and New Year, I actually managed to lose weight, a total of 5 lbs in the 4 days I was actually counting, so I intend to keep on going. I know that it's a big figure to lose in a short period, but I know things will begin to level out in the very near future and I'll have to work harder to move my weight.
I do find the evenings a tougher time regarding food at the moment, as by the time it gets to about half seven, I'm wanting to have something to eat, but now, I go for a bit of fruit or some carrot sticks, whereas before, I'd go for a bowl of cereal or even chocolate, so I know I'm making better decisions than I used to make regarding my food, however, I know eventually I'll have to cut these bits out as they don't do me that much good.
Today I feel wasn't too bad for food though, as I started the day the way I have been, with one of my meal replacement shakes, made with water (250ml), then I made sure I drank a couple of  pints of squash. We popped out around midday and by the time we'd gotten back home, it was around three in the afternoon, so settled on having dinner (admittedly it wasn't the healthiest of meals, as it was a Chicago Town individual pizza, a handful of oven chips and a half a garlic baguette), then around about half six I had a tortilla wrap filled with mix salad leaf and a small amount of mayo, just as a snack, but I also had a bag of crisps (151 kcal), so kind of undone some of the good work. Come half seven, I thought I'd better have my last meal replacement shake, again as above. Since then, till now (00.30) I've not eaten anything, however, I'm now starting to feel hungry and it's times like this I know will be my hardest times as I'm not a great sleeper, but for me boredom, stress and need of comfort are triggers for eating, however, I'm asking you, dear readers, to be my conscience and my sounding board, as and when I need you.
Thank you for listening and reading, till next time...

The Beginning Of The Climb.

Well, as promised yesterday, here I am with the weight I will begin with...Twenty five stone, six and a quarter pounds. I weighed in at about half eight this morning, then went and had the first of my meal replacement shakes (not as bad as I thought they might be...?). Went through till about twelve and had another one (I wouldn't recommend the chocolate one, not as good as the strawberry one), then had dinner at around six o'clock or so, ended up having half of a pizza, half a garlic bread and half a bag of mix salad, finished off with an apple and two plums. Must remind myself to drink plenty though, as I did forget to keep drinking...oops.
Not too bad for the start, I'd have said, but what do you think?

On a slightly different note, Boney wasn't in the best of moods today, VERY upset. We'd spent some of Christmas over with friends who have a young child, and Boney got upset about that. I try to be supportive, but I can't think of anything to say that can give any comfort and I feel that this must surely antagonise her. However, come this evening, we're back on good terms and chatting about tomorrow and the plans for the next year.

Apologies

Firstly, I am going to apologise for keep taking breaks away from here, life just seems to get in the way and I keep forgetting to pop onto here and vent my spleen.
However, starting from today, I'm going to try and change that! I'm trying to lose weight to try and help our chances, no matter by how little that could be. I will be weighing once a week and then posting onto here and saying if things are going good or bad, also, I will be coming on, hopefully, every day and using this as I had intended, as a journal of the journey that we are going to go through.
I will now take this chance to try and enlighten you a little on my personal history, as I feel my current situation is a kind of full circle on my own personal conception.
I, like all other babies eventually, was a rather expensive child, you could say. I was conceived in a very exclusive postcode up in London, Harley Street to be precise. My parents chose to take their journey to parenthood via the assisted conception route, as my dad had an easily passed on condition and they wanted the best for any child they would have. They chose AID (Artificial Insemination by Donor) as IVF was not available and would not be available until roughly a year after I was conceived. My parents went through the heart ache of trying twice with no success and gave it one last try and as luck would have it, the third time was the charm, as the old adage goes.
My mum and dad decided to tell me of their journey when I was about eleven years old and there happened to be a Horizon program on about AID. They got me to sit down and told me to watch the telly, then after it had finished, they explained to me that was where I'd come from. My response? I just turned around and said, "Well my dad is my dad, can I go out and play, now?" and that to me is what it is, it doesn't matter where your genes come from, the people who raise you are your parents. Their morals, personalities and beliefs shape the person you become, be that a church minister, a car mechanic or a shop assistant.
Sadly, both of my parents have passed away, they were both young, dad being 50, in 1994, and my mum being 53, in 2006, but during their short, but full lives, they instilled in me enough life lessons and kindness to exist far beyond their deaths. I hope, that given the chance to be a dad, I can halfway match what my dad and mum were and are.
So, from tomorrow, I am going to succeed where before I have given in too easily. I intend to do my best and, with some ups and downs, I will get my weight down to something sensible and not so doctor baitingly high. Until tomorrow, when I come back with the horrific hill I have to climb, TTFN...

It's Been A While

I thought I had better come back to here, so that I can provide some kind of update to those who come to here to see my blog.
Things are moving at a snails pace, sadly, due to the fact that here in the UK it's a requirement of women who require assisted conception need to be of "normal" weight so that they can be treated on the NHS. Boney is not a slender lady and that's the way I love her, but, because of this stipulation, she needs to lose weight for us to be able to move forward. She has made HUGE progress up to this point, she's lost the better part of four stone and kept it off, however, this isn't good enough for the medical experts, who want her to lose a further four stone, so that her BMI is within set parameters. Obviously, this is bloody hard work and I am trying to be a good supporting husband, but sometimes I don't do as well as I should.
We are due to go on a holiday, very soon, so hopefully, the relaxation of this holiday, combined with needing something to work towards, will help us BOTH kick-start a healthier approach and exercise routine for our lives.
If there are those who come here looking for answers or questions, please don't hesitate to ask or give advice. We both like to hear from others, who may well be in a similar situation to us, so that we can network with you and, hopefully, give support and reassurance as and when it's wanted or needed.

A New Hope...

No, not Chapter 4 of Star Wars...lol...
In a recent post I mentioned that I was out of work, well, after a phone call this morning, things are now looking up. I have been offered a position with a large energy supply company on their sales and conversion teams. We're hoping that this could be the beginning of a run a good luck and fortune for us and that we can now look forward to things coming good for us at last.
I'll say one thing, it has taken a massive amount of stress out of our lives, the feeling of relaxation is almost palpable, there's not so many cross words or ill feelings. It just generally feels so much better.
Anyroads, that's my update for today, I hope everyone else out there is having good luck and good feelings given to them, thanks again for reading, good luck and good times to you all...

Something to lighten the mood

I found this earlier today and thought I would post it...

Why Men Can't Win.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. 
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum. 

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation. 
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better. 

If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favouritism. 
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. 

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. 
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference. 

If you cry, you're a wimp. 
If you don't, you're insensitive. 

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist pig, you bastard. 
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. 

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. 
If she asks you, it's a favour. 

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. 
If you don't, you're a slob. 

If you buy her flowers, you're after something. 
If you don't, you're not thoughtful. 

If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist. 
If you're not, you're not ambitious. 

If she has a headache, she's tired. 
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore, and you must be sleeping around.

Stress, Who Wants Some?

I didn't mention before, but right before Christmas (Christmas Eve to be precise) I lost my job. Never a good thing to happen and especially worse as we live in a depressed area of the country, during one of the worst recessions on record. Obviously, this has caused much stress and angst between myself and Boney. However, Boney has taken the situation pretty well, considering.
Last Wednesday, we got the good news that I would be getting a new job, for a large national energy supplier, selling their product. As part of the induction, training and accreditation that's required for the job, I have to go away for a week on a residential course. This was given a mixed reaction by Boney. I have no idea why...
During the ensuing days that have now passed since the news, her behavior has gotten pretty strange, to say the least. Today for example, she kicked off because I hadn't cleaned the bathroom in the same way as she would have done, this then descended into an argument encapsulating all the issues that I have mentioned here on the blog, but also problems from many years ago, back when we were first dating! The thing that has also grated, is the fact the fact that we've been stressed has completely put family planning squarely on the back burner. It's been a nightmare. We know that for us to be able to join the legions of happy couples who have children, we need to be able to make that time for one another. But when life throws a curve like we had in December, it puts a massive spanner in the works.
We know that we're in a strong bond with one another, because even after all the recent downs we have had, we are still committed to one another. But maybe in reality, we should actually be committed...lol...
But seriously, I know there are others out there who have and are going through the same issues as we are, so I have a question to any of you who are reading my ramblings, how did you/are you coping with the problems that these things throw at you?

Another One!

I went onto my Facebook account yesterday evening and got a shock. Someone else that I know, who recently got married has fallen pregnant! It's knocked my confidence again. I feel so bad because each time someone else I know falls, it reminds me of the fact that I'm the key reason for our not falling. It makes me feel like so much less of a man, all because my sperm count is so low. I just feel like I'm letting my beautiful wife down, because I can not give her what we both desire.
I'm hoping that in the very near future, things will improve on my part. Here's to hoping.