Apologies

Firstly, I am going to apologise for keep taking breaks away from here, life just seems to get in the way and I keep forgetting to pop onto here and vent my spleen.
However, starting from today, I'm going to try and change that! I'm trying to lose weight to try and help our chances, no matter by how little that could be. I will be weighing once a week and then posting onto here and saying if things are going good or bad, also, I will be coming on, hopefully, every day and using this as I had intended, as a journal of the journey that we are going to go through.
I will now take this chance to try and enlighten you a little on my personal history, as I feel my current situation is a kind of full circle on my own personal conception.
I, like all other babies eventually, was a rather expensive child, you could say. I was conceived in a very exclusive postcode up in London, Harley Street to be precise. My parents chose to take their journey to parenthood via the assisted conception route, as my dad had an easily passed on condition and they wanted the best for any child they would have. They chose AID (Artificial Insemination by Donor) as IVF was not available and would not be available until roughly a year after I was conceived. My parents went through the heart ache of trying twice with no success and gave it one last try and as luck would have it, the third time was the charm, as the old adage goes.
My mum and dad decided to tell me of their journey when I was about eleven years old and there happened to be a Horizon program on about AID. They got me to sit down and told me to watch the telly, then after it had finished, they explained to me that was where I'd come from. My response? I just turned around and said, "Well my dad is my dad, can I go out and play, now?" and that to me is what it is, it doesn't matter where your genes come from, the people who raise you are your parents. Their morals, personalities and beliefs shape the person you become, be that a church minister, a car mechanic or a shop assistant.
Sadly, both of my parents have passed away, they were both young, dad being 50, in 1994, and my mum being 53, in 2006, but during their short, but full lives, they instilled in me enough life lessons and kindness to exist far beyond their deaths. I hope, that given the chance to be a dad, I can halfway match what my dad and mum were and are.
So, from tomorrow, I am going to succeed where before I have given in too easily. I intend to do my best and, with some ups and downs, I will get my weight down to something sensible and not so doctor baitingly high. Until tomorrow, when I come back with the horrific hill I have to climb, TTFN...

A New Hope...

No, not Chapter 4 of Star Wars...lol...
In a recent post I mentioned that I was out of work, well, after a phone call this morning, things are now looking up. I have been offered a position with a large energy supply company on their sales and conversion teams. We're hoping that this could be the beginning of a run a good luck and fortune for us and that we can now look forward to things coming good for us at last.
I'll say one thing, it has taken a massive amount of stress out of our lives, the feeling of relaxation is almost palpable, there's not so many cross words or ill feelings. It just generally feels so much better.
Anyroads, that's my update for today, I hope everyone else out there is having good luck and good feelings given to them, thanks again for reading, good luck and good times to you all...

Stress, Who Wants Some?

I didn't mention before, but right before Christmas (Christmas Eve to be precise) I lost my job. Never a good thing to happen and especially worse as we live in a depressed area of the country, during one of the worst recessions on record. Obviously, this has caused much stress and angst between myself and Boney. However, Boney has taken the situation pretty well, considering.
Last Wednesday, we got the good news that I would be getting a new job, for a large national energy supplier, selling their product. As part of the induction, training and accreditation that's required for the job, I have to go away for a week on a residential course. This was given a mixed reaction by Boney. I have no idea why...
During the ensuing days that have now passed since the news, her behavior has gotten pretty strange, to say the least. Today for example, she kicked off because I hadn't cleaned the bathroom in the same way as she would have done, this then descended into an argument encapsulating all the issues that I have mentioned here on the blog, but also problems from many years ago, back when we were first dating! The thing that has also grated, is the fact the fact that we've been stressed has completely put family planning squarely on the back burner. It's been a nightmare. We know that for us to be able to join the legions of happy couples who have children, we need to be able to make that time for one another. But when life throws a curve like we had in December, it puts a massive spanner in the works.
We know that we're in a strong bond with one another, because even after all the recent downs we have had, we are still committed to one another. But maybe in reality, we should actually be committed...lol...
But seriously, I know there are others out there who have and are going through the same issues as we are, so I have a question to any of you who are reading my ramblings, how did you/are you coping with the problems that these things throw at you?

Happy New Year (Hopefully)...

Well, here we are at the dawn of a new year, entering into the realms of 2011...
The hopes and dreams of becoming a father are slowly but surely starting to fade away inside of my mind at the moment, I'm losing a battle with my weight and Boney is also having a similar struggle, however, we are determined to make a concerted effort now that 2011 is upon us.
I think the hardest thing for me to accept is the fact that I would find it all but impossible to father a child naturally, it's soul destroying, knowing that the dream you've been nurturing for a couple of years, has been crushed in the words of a consultant. I know I'm not the only man in the world who has been told this news, even on the day that we were informed, however, it felt as though every trial of our journey so far, the ones we'd blamed on time of the month, Boney's hormones or her periods, could all be traced back to one minute detail. I wasn't enough of a man! That's exactly how I'd felt.
In recent weeks, I've been feeling very emotional and I have a strong feeling that it's all tied in with my low count. I felt gutted and destroyed and couldn't bring myself to talk to Boney, as she has her own issues. I also haven't wanted to talk to friends as a lot of them have children of their own, so I feel they can'r relate to my point of view or my current experiences. Mostly I feel frustrated!
I know most of my recent posts have sounded vaguely like rants (ok, not so vaguely) but I don't mean them to..sorry...
Anyroads, happy new year to everybody, take care and until next time, try to stay positive...