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Friday 31 December 2010

Happy New Year (Hopefully)...

Well, here we are at the dawn of a new year, entering into the realms of 2011...
The hopes and dreams of becoming a father are slowly but surely starting to fade away inside of my mind at the moment, I'm losing a battle with my weight and Boney is also having a similar struggle, however, we are determined to make a concerted effort now that 2011 is upon us.
I think the hardest thing for me to accept is the fact that I would find it all but impossible to father a child naturally, it's soul destroying, knowing that the dream you've been nurturing for a couple of years, has been crushed in the words of a consultant. I know I'm not the only man in the world who has been told this news, even on the day that we were informed, however, it felt as though every trial of our journey so far, the ones we'd blamed on time of the month, Boney's hormones or her periods, could all be traced back to one minute detail. I wasn't enough of a man! That's exactly how I'd felt.
In recent weeks, I've been feeling very emotional and I have a strong feeling that it's all tied in with my low count. I felt gutted and destroyed and couldn't bring myself to talk to Boney, as she has her own issues. I also haven't wanted to talk to friends as a lot of them have children of their own, so I feel they can'r relate to my point of view or my current experiences. Mostly I feel frustrated!
I know most of my recent posts have sounded vaguely like rants (ok, not so vaguely) but I don't mean them to..sorry...
Anyroads, happy new year to everybody, take care and until next time, try to stay positive...